


Everything I know tells me that I should walk away

by xoimadivaox



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hopes for a relationship with Chloe, Lucifer's pov of Pierce's proposal, No Plot/Plotless, Sad Lucifer is sad, character's thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:01:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23972683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xoimadivaox/pseuds/xoimadivaox
Summary: He helplessly watches her nod and the world falls apart around him. His breath leaves him, his lungs cannot remember the proper motions to bring oxygen to his whole body and his heart is too busy mourning Her to pump blood through his system. Does no one else feel the way the world has just tilted off its axis?Set during S3, during that awful moment when Chloe was engaged to Marcus.
Relationships: Background Chloe Decker/Marcus Pierce
Comments: 14
Kudos: 40





	Everything I know tells me that I should walk away

**Author's Note:**

> Fair warning. The capitalization where Chloe is concerned is kind of all over the place and it is intended to be this way. Grammatically speaking, the only rule that concerns God is that the capitalization of His name and subsequent pronouns depends on the level of reverence of the speaker. I’ve played on that here, with Lucifer’s thoughts either worshipping her and elevating her above him (and Him while I’m at it) or remembering that she is human. A Miracle, but human nonetheless. So there is a method to my madness. (Shocking, I know.)  
>   
> Title and general idea for this are from _Be Alright_ by Dean Lewis.

He's upset.

He's so so so so upset.

He was finally ready to tell Chloe everything. To admit to her every tiny little bit of feelings and supernatural secrets he's been keeping from her for the past three years. He was going to tell her who Marcus was, everything he had done, implore her to understand just how much trouble she was in. And he was so so _so ready_ to start something with her. To be something more just for her. To be truly worthy of the divine appendages he constantly feels at his back. For them to become the Detective and her guardian Devil. Always her guardian Devil. Always theirs, if he's honest. Because as much as he tries not to think about it, he knows fully well Beatrice has grown on him. He knows fully well he'll never let harm come her way ever again.

But as he stands there, just outside her kitchen, ready to jump, ready to _fall_ and hope she'll catch him, he sees Cain beat him to her apartment. As the first murderer kneels in front of Her − how dares he? − Lucifer's heart starts to crack. His whole being threatens to fall apart. Again. He didn't know what was going to come out on the other side the first time he was broken down and he's just as afraid now. What kind of monster will be unleashed upon the world this time?

He helplessly watches her nod and the world falls apart around him. His breath leaves him, his lungs cannot remember the proper motions to bring oxygen to his whole body and his heart is too busy mourning Her to pump blood through his system. Does no one else feel the way the world has just tilted off its axis?

He seethes as Cain slips an entirely underwhelming and inappropriate ring on Her finger. It's everything She is not. How does She not see it as a sign that he doesn't know Her at all? It's delicate, barely there and Lucifer is almost ready to bet it's not even a real diamond and that it's going to fall off the ring before long. (Is it petty that he hopes it'll happen when he's chasing a criminal with Her? Is it presumptuous of him to think he'll still get to work alongside Her?)

He can't stomach the sight of the newly engaged couple embracing and sharing a kiss, yet he cannot look away. Why is She so quick to give him a chance when Lucifer has been pleading with Her to consider him as a suitor for years to no avail? As far as he's concerned, they have more chemistry than She does with Cain. Cain is cold, calculating, threatening. He's everything Lucifer himself is supposed to be but has never been, could never quite bring himself to be.

He's still standing there, looking in, when Cain tugs at her arm and the couple disappears up the stairs and Lucifer has to swallow the bile rising up in his throat multiple times before he can take a step back and then another, eyes still locked on the spot She stood as She said yes.

He doesn't need to die again to know this image will forever rotate with memories of him killing Uriel as his very own Hell loop. He doesn't need Maze to know it will torture his every day and night until he is obliterated.

He doesn't know how he makes it back to Lux. Everything is nothing but a blurry daze as he wonders what to do next.

He knows she was slipping through his fingers these past few months. He knows he should have done something about it, he wanted to, so badly, but Father damn him again, he was scared. Scared she would run, scared she wouldn't want to see him ever again. She was − still is − the best thing that's ever happened to him. How is he supposed to go on without Her?

He's trying to drink himself to a stupor, wants nothing more but to forget about tonight despite knowing he never will. Drugs are added to the mix because why not.

And yet, he keeps fiddling with his phone. Keeps hoping she'll text him. He's her friend, is he not? Surely she'll want to tell him about the good news, no? It'll wreck him, but it'll at least mean she still thinks of him. But he knows she won't. She won't because Marcus will see to it. And Lucifer seethes again.

The first murderer will never worship Her the way Lucifer would have. He knows Cain, knows the type of man he is. He is nothing but a selfish bastard, so far from the generous lover Lucifer knows himself to be. And just like that, his anger morphs into sadness and heartbreak all over again.

It's not a competition between him and Cain. It's not about who could make Her feel better or who could take care of Her needs the most. It's about trying to come to terms with the fact that he's not the one doing it. And he wants to be the one to make Her feel good. He wants to worship every square inch of Her skin. He wants to care for Her so deeply and so thoroughly that She'll forget they haven't been doing this since the Big Bang. He wants… He _wants_. He wants and as always with him, that's the problem.

Cain will never prepare her a gourmet meal just because. He will never draw her a bath and entertain Beatrice so that Chloe has some time alone to relax after a rough day. He probably doesn't even know the emotional toll every new murder takes on Chloe. He probably doesn't know what her favorite ice cream flavor is. Or when she feels like eating some straight from the tub the most. He probably doesn't think she's sexy wearing her old ratty clothes, cleaning or doing other chores.

He feels sorry for her in a way. Sorry that, by accepting the proposal, Chloe just basically got herself a new kid. Cain might have changed his ways to fit in with the times, but Lucifer knows better. The man is as stuck in his ideologies as he was when Abel was still alive. His values and expectations are still those of the Old World. And Lucifer has a feeling he knows exactly how that's going to end.

Cain is going to cage Chloe. Not literally and she might not realize it for a very long time, but that's exactly what's going to happen. What has already happened. He knows he still has a window. He's still her friend, he still sees her every day. Maybe it's not too late yet to bust her out of her gilded cage.

And while he knows he should walk away, every fiber of his being is yelling at him to stay, if only so that Chloe always has someone in her corner backing her up.


End file.
